Time

I finally find time to sit here and write again. Time, as usual, is going so fast. How can I make it slow a little? Josh went back to work on Monday. Jackson is a month old. Wyatt will be 9 soon. Most of my days are spent just doing the necessities - feeding, changing, napping, running errands, etc. I guess if I could get anything out of this leave it would be just this.... to sit and stare at this little miracle. I have been fighting this huge urge to have a major life change - like not going back to work.... like having another baby in the future because I am so in love with how it makes me feel. Of course, these are not options for me (at least the first one, and well, the second one too because I don't think I want to live through another pregnancy like the one I just had!) - but I dream about them often. I feel so unbelievably needed right now and man, that's a feeling that's worth a million bucks. I feel so different raising a baby this time than I did 9 years ago and I know it's because I am older. I have to say that trusting your gut on making the right decision is the best way to go. I struggled for a very long time on if I should have another baby or not. To be honest, I was scared to death. Once I got pregnant I was even more scared because of the flooding hormones and how they made me feel inside. scared became terrified. Then May 15 came and Jackson arrived and my world became complete. Scared became pure joy. Terrified became bliss. Now I have a grip on life trying to slow it down... trying to make the most of it. I guess the easiest way to deal with it all is to not think about it - to push it out of my mind.

I've been thinking about ways to serve or volunteer. I am searching for some things to do with Wyatt that will help him grow into a strong man with a desire to help others and to make a difference in the world. That boy has the kindest heart I have ever seen in a child. I know I'm biased because he's my son - but he is always wanting to buy things for his friends, spend his savings on other people and is the most forgiving person I have ever met. He is truly blessed with a kind soul and I hope he always stays that way. Hopefully the world will be kind back to him and won't force him to harden. God has a wonderful way of blessing our lives with these sweet little creations! I know that boy will make a woman very happy some day. I see a very romantic and thoughtful man in the makin'. I am proud to be his Mommy and hope that he will teach his little brother to be as awesome as he is.

In addition to life with my children, I'm trying to work on myself as well. I would like to throw myself out there a little and try some new things. I'm not sure what - but I'd like to grow more myself. I hope to care less about looks and weight and worry more about living and growing memories. I would like to challenge myself to be a bit more outgoing and to do some things that before I didn't have the courage to do. I am also counting the days until I can run again - less than two weeks! Jackson LOVES the stroller which is wonderful thing! speaking of which - it's time for our walk....so, till next time! Peace!

Things to do this week:

Have some fun at the county fair!

Swim

Bake Cake Pops for a test run for Lacey's bridal shower favors

Walk every day

Find some time to work on the piling laundry

Write more

Finish reading book

Play legos with Wyatt

Count my blessings

New Beginnings

It's time to start writing again. I thought I'd write about our summer adventures and family milestones so everyone can share in the joy we are experiencing. I get to be home with my babies for most of the summer - and I plan to make the most of it! I don't want the time to fly by, yet I don't want to sit on the couch the whole time either.

Jackson is now nearly 4 weeks old. Wow, now that time went quick! I have taken so much in with him. I hold him, stare at him and am just amazed. With such an odd, emotional pregnancy - his arrival has revived my soul. I instantly went from darkness to the brightest of days. I am so in love with being the mommy of two wonderful children. Without a doubt, it's my purpose. The silly things that cluttered my mind before are now just after thoughts. It's clear what's important and what's not. I hope I can keep this new mindset.

Jackson went to the doctor last Wednesday to be weighed and was finally back up to his birth weight. He hadn't gained weight at the last appointment and had been spitting up after eating and choking with no connection to eating. They said it's acid reflux. We've made some adjustments and he seems to be keeping more down, so I'm hoping to see more gains in the next couple of weeks. Eating has been trial and error - but we are surviving it. The first couple days of nursing was a killer - I ended up so sore that I couldn't even think of letting him nurse. We took a break and I pumped and gave him milk in the bottle....and so has been our routine since. I tried to nurse a couple of times after that, but after about 15 minutes I was cringing from the pain again. On top of that, I never could tell how much he was getting and he always seems hungry right after. I had been exclusively pumping since, and then decided to supplement formula every other bottle because all I was doing was sitting at that pump! I was ready to stop pumping and just formula feed and so that's what we decided was best. I can not explain the amount of guilt that comes with that decision though. I LOVE providing him with my milk and it feels so good to know I can. It feels so selfish to give it up just because it's an inconvenience at this point.

Wyatt began summer vacation Friday. He has been counting the days! We put up a small pool in the backyard for him and his friends to lounge in. My mission is to keep him MOVING this summer, less electronic stimulation (2 hour limit began today!!) and less boredom eating. We will be doing some form of exercise each day too. Starting today we will go to the library once a week for a group reading and craft project. I have also been researching free fun things to do in central Illinois and hope to have a couple adventures thrown into our schedule as well. The thing I look forward to most is being at home, in my own backyard with my boys. I have been thinking about my summer bucket list and hope that we can find a lot of interesting things to do together. This may be the only summer I will ever have home with the two of them.

I have been so ready to start running again. I even called the doctor's office to ask if it's ok - only to be told NO. Ugh - imagine that - 2.5 weeks postpartum and they said no! haha. Oh well, I can wait. So far my days have been spent feeding my little olive, changing him...and napping. Those naps are amazing. I love being snuggled up with him, smelling his perfect little self, hearing his little sounds - even those little farts are darling. Most people say they stay at home the first few weeks or months - I have to say we have been everywhere!! I am consciously making an effort NOT to leave on some days.

Well - here it is - a brief intro to my new blog... hopefully I will be inspired to keep up with it! I haven't written in so long! It's hard to find the time to write that corresponds with the mentality of wanting to write!!