Time

I finally find time to sit here and write again. Time, as usual, is going so fast. How can I make it slow a little? Josh went back to work on Monday. Jackson is a month old. Wyatt will be 9 soon. Most of my days are spent just doing the necessities - feeding, changing, napping, running errands, etc. I guess if I could get anything out of this leave it would be just this.... to sit and stare at this little miracle. I have been fighting this huge urge to have a major life change - like not going back to work.... like having another baby in the future because I am so in love with how it makes me feel. Of course, these are not options for me (at least the first one, and well, the second one too because I don't think I want to live through another pregnancy like the one I just had!) - but I dream about them often. I feel so unbelievably needed right now and man, that's a feeling that's worth a million bucks. I feel so different raising a baby this time than I did 9 years ago and I know it's because I am older. I have to say that trusting your gut on making the right decision is the best way to go. I struggled for a very long time on if I should have another baby or not. To be honest, I was scared to death. Once I got pregnant I was even more scared because of the flooding hormones and how they made me feel inside. scared became terrified. Then May 15 came and Jackson arrived and my world became complete. Scared became pure joy. Terrified became bliss. Now I have a grip on life trying to slow it down... trying to make the most of it. I guess the easiest way to deal with it all is to not think about it - to push it out of my mind.

I've been thinking about ways to serve or volunteer. I am searching for some things to do with Wyatt that will help him grow into a strong man with a desire to help others and to make a difference in the world. That boy has the kindest heart I have ever seen in a child. I know I'm biased because he's my son - but he is always wanting to buy things for his friends, spend his savings on other people and is the most forgiving person I have ever met. He is truly blessed with a kind soul and I hope he always stays that way. Hopefully the world will be kind back to him and won't force him to harden. God has a wonderful way of blessing our lives with these sweet little creations! I know that boy will make a woman very happy some day. I see a very romantic and thoughtful man in the makin'. I am proud to be his Mommy and hope that he will teach his little brother to be as awesome as he is.

In addition to life with my children, I'm trying to work on myself as well. I would like to throw myself out there a little and try some new things. I'm not sure what - but I'd like to grow more myself. I hope to care less about looks and weight and worry more about living and growing memories. I would like to challenge myself to be a bit more outgoing and to do some things that before I didn't have the courage to do. I am also counting the days until I can run again - less than two weeks! Jackson LOVES the stroller which is wonderful thing! speaking of which - it's time for our walk....so, till next time! Peace!

Things to do this week:

Have some fun at the county fair!

Swim

Bake Cake Pops for a test run for Lacey's bridal shower favors

Walk every day

Find some time to work on the piling laundry

Write more

Finish reading book

Play legos with Wyatt

Count my blessings